Stop Overthinking: Simple Steps to Quiet Your Mind and Boost Your Mood
Getting Some Distance from Your Thoughts: Simple Tools to Shift Your Focus
We all know the feeling—your mind is racing, and it feels like you’re trapped in a loop of negative thoughts. Whether it’s worrying about the future, replaying past events, or simply getting stuck in self-criticism, our thoughts can sometimes overwhelm us. The good news is you don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle. With a few simple techniques, you can create some space between yourself and your thoughts, and that’s where real change can begin.
1. Getting Distance from Your Thoughts
Have you ever noticed that the more you engage with a negative thought, the more power it seems to have? It’s as though the thought takes up all the space in your mind, leaving little room for anything else. But what if you could take a step back and observe that thought, instead of being consumed by it?
One of the most effective ways to create this distance is through cognitive defusion. This technique is from a therapy called “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy” (ACT), and it is a way of recognising that we don’t have to take our thoughts at face value – we can observe them without becoming immersed in them. When a negative thought pops up, instead of immediately accepting it as truth, try seeing it for what it is—just a thought. You might even label it: “Ah, there’s my anxious mind again,” or “That’s my inner critic speaking.” By giving yourself this moment of pause, you’re reminding yourself that thoughts are not facts. They’re passing internal events that don’t define you.
This leads us into the idea of metacognition—the ability to ‘think about our thinking’. It’s a powerful concept because it allows us to observe our thoughts from a distance, rather than getting swept up in them. When we engage in metacognition, we shift from being inside our thoughts to stepping outside and seeing them for what they are—mental processes that we can choose to engage with or let pass by (e.g. seeing your thoughts like a cloud in the sky, or a passing train). It’s like being the director of a play instead of getting caught up as one of the actors.
Metacognition helps us realise that thoughts are just one aspect of our experience—they don’t have to dictate how we feel or behave. When you notice a thought that triggers anxiety or rumination, you can remind yourself: “This is just my mind doing what minds do – it’s trying to keep me safe / prepared.” With this perspective, we can create a bit more room to choose how to respond, rather than being controlled by our inner chatter.
Thoughts Are Just Thoughts, Not Facts
It’s easy to forget that thoughts are just that—thoughts. They’re not facts, truths, or even accurate reflections of reality. Often, we treat our thoughts as if they’re concrete, unchangeable realities, but in reality, they’re often just fleeting opinions or interpretations. Like the buzzing of bees, thoughts flit around our minds, sometimes creating noise and distraction, but they don’t have to define us or our experiences.
Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true. For example, the thought “I’ll never be good enough” might feel real in the moment, but it’s simply an opinion generated by your mind. It’s not a fact written in stone. If we can step back and recognise thoughts for what they are—temporary mental/internal events—we can learn to engage with them in a healthier way.
Think of your mind as a busy beehive, filled with buzzing thoughts. Some bees might be helpful, pointing you towards something productive, while others might sting with negativity or self-doubt. The key is not to let every single bee get to you. You don’t have to believe or act on every thought. Instead, notice them, and choose which ones are worth paying attention to and which can be left to fly past.
Catching these “buzzing” thoughts on time is crucial. The earlier you catch a negative thought, the easier it is to keep it from spiralling out of control. When you notice an unhelpful thought buzzing around, you can say to yourself, “This is just a thought, not a fact,” and decide how you want to respond. By creating this pause, you can better manage the emotional impact of your thoughts and focus on what’s truly important in the moment.
The Problem with “Just Think Positive”
We’ve all seen those self-help books or social media posts that encourage us to simply “think positive” as a solution to life’s challenges. While the intention behind this advice is often well-meaning, it can actually be more harmful than helpful. The reality is, we can’t always control the thoughts that arrive in our minds. Life is complicated, and during times of hardship, telling someone to just think positively can feel like setting an impossible standard.
When we’re going through something difficult—whether it’s grief, illness, stress, or a major life change—trying to force ourselves to think positive can be incredibly frustrating. In fact, it can lead to even more distress. Why? Because when we feel like we should be able to think positively, and yet we can’t, we might start criticizing ourselves. We see ourselves as failures for not being able to meet this unrealistic expectation. Instead of helping, this approach often fuels feelings of inadequacy and self-blame.
The truth is, difficult thoughts and emotions are a natural part of life, and it’s okay to experience them. What’s more helpful than forcing positivity is learning how to create space for all of your thoughts—both the positive and the negative—and allowing them to come and go without judgment. Rather than suppressing or replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, the key is to acknowledge them and respond in a way that’s compassionate and realistic.
It’s not about “fixing” your thoughts or only allowing yourself to ‘feel good’. Instead, it’s about understanding that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. You don’t have to be at war with your mind or hold yourself to an impossible standard of constant positivity. Life can be hard, and acknowledging that with kindness toward yourself is far more powerful than pretending everything is okay when it’s not.
2. Mindfulness: Where are you placing your attention?
Mindfulness is a powerful tool for managing where we place our attention, helping us shift focus from the noise in our minds to the present moment. Often, our thoughts can pull us in different directions, creating stress or anxiety about the past or future. Mindfulness allows us to intentionally guide our attention away from these distractions and toward what’s happening right here and now. Whether it’s focusing on the sensations in our body, our breath, or the sounds around us, mindfulness helps anchor us in the present. This shift in attention can create a sense of calm, reduce rumination, and improve emotional regulation, making it a valuable skill in everyday life.
The next time you notice your mind wandering into anxious/’downward spiral’ territory, try a simple grounding exercise. Focus on your breath—the rise and fall of your chest or the feeling of air moving in and out of your nose. Notice the sounds around you, the feeling of your feet on the floor/couch, or the texture of your clothing. These sensory experiences anchor you to the present, and once your mind is focused on the present, it’s much harder for it to spiral into rumination.
Mindfulness isn’t about trying to stop your thoughts completely (which is impossible!), but rather about training your mind to gently bring your focus back to the present whenever it drifts. Think of it like learning a new skill—just like how practicing a sport or playing an instrument gets easier over time, mindfulness works the same way. The more you practice catching your mind wandering and refocusing, the better you become at it. Over time, this can help lessen the impact of negative or unhelpful thoughts, making it easier to stay calm and present.
What We Focus On, We Get
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Where attention goes, energy flows.” It’s a powerful reminder that what we focus on tends to grow in importance and impact in our lives. If you’re constantly focused on worries, your mind will find more things to worry about. But if you shift your attention to what’s going well, even in small ways, you’ll start to notice more positives emerging.
Another saying that resonates here is, “You get what you focus on, so focus on what you want.” This doesn’t mean ignoring reality or pretending that challenges don’t exist, but it does mean intentionally directing your attention toward what you want to cultivate in your life. Our thoughts shape our perceptions and, in turn, our actions. If we’re constantly stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, it’s harder to move forward or notice opportunities.
This is where people often connect with the concept of manifesting. You may have heard about manifesting as the idea that if you think about something enough, it will magically appear. But that’s not quite how it works. Manifesting isn’t about simply thinking about what you want and waiting for the universe to deliver it on a silver platter. It’s much more grounded than that.
Manifesting is really about where you choose to place your attention and how that attention shapes your actions. For instance, if you want to achieve a goal—whether it’s related to your career, relationships, or health—you need to focus your attention on that goal in a meaningful way. This means creating space in your life to think about it, plan for it, and act on it.
It’s not enough to just imagine yourself successful or happy and hope it will happen. Real manifesting is about aligning your thoughts with your actions. It’s about noticing opportunities, taking steps towards what you want, and making choices that reflect your desires. When your focus is directed intentionally, your thoughts and actions start to work together, and that’s when real change happens.
As they say, “What you water grows.” So, if you’re constantly watering negative thoughts, you’ll see more of them sprout. But if you direct your attention to what matters most, and nurture those areas, you’ll start to see growth and progress. It’s a balance between recognising the reality of where you are now and holding space for the things you want to bring into your life.
3. How to Stop the Rumination Cycle
Rumination is one of those mental habits that can be incredibly difficult to break. It feels like we’re “solving” something by thinking it over and over, but in reality, we’re often just deepening the emotional impact of the thought. So, how do we break the cycle?
One effective strategy is to interrupt the rumination. This could be through physical activity, such as taking a brisk walk, stretching, or even tidying up your space. Physical movement gives your brain a chance to reset and can help break the loop of repetitive thinking.
Another approach is to schedule time for worry. It sounds counterintuitive, but by designating a specific time of day for worrying (say, 15 minutes in the evening), you can train your mind to stop ruminating outside of that time. When a worry pops up during the day, remind yourself that you’ll deal with it during your “worry time” and then redirect your attention to what you’re doing.
Saying STOP to Rumination
We all know what it’s like to be stuck in a loop of rumination—when you can’t stop replaying that conversation, or you keep obsessing over the same worry. Breaking free from this loop isn’t always easy, but it’s possible with a few key techniques.
One effective tool is the STOP technique. It’s a simple yet powerful way to interrupt the cycle of rumination and regain control over your thoughts.
S – Stop
When you notice yourself ruminating, simply tell yourself to stop, even put your hand up and say “STOP”. This first step is about becoming aware that you’re spiralling into rumination. Sometimes we don’t even realise we’ve fallen into a thought loop until we’ve been stuck in it for a while. Recognising the rumination is the first key to disrupting it.
T – Take a Breath
Next, take a deep breath. A moment of focused breathing helps calm the nervous system, giving you space to pause before reacting further. When you slow your breathing, you signal to your brain that it’s okay to relax, which can help loosen the grip of anxious thoughts. You can even try the “box breathing” technique:
Box breathing is a simple but effective technique to help calm your mind and body. It’s called "box" because it follows a pattern of four equal steps, like the sides of a box/square.
Here’s how it works:
Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 (or for however many seconds feels comfortable) seconds.
Hold your breath for 4 seconds.
Breathe out slowly through your mouth for 4 seconds.
Hold again for 4 seconds before taking your next breath.
You repeat this cycle a few times. It helps you feel more in control, reduces stress, and can calm anxiety by focusing on your breathing rather than what’s going on around you. It’s great for moments when you feel overwhelmed or just need a reset.
Box Breathing Technique
O – Observe
Observe what’s going on in your mind and body. What are you thinking? What emotions are you feeling? Are there any physical sensations—like tension or tightness—that you can notice? This is where you step into the role of the observer, distancing yourself from the content of your thoughts. Remember, your thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. Observing them from this detached perspective allows you to decide whether or not to engage with them.
P – Proceed
Finally, proceed with intention. What do you want to do next? This step is about taking purposeful action, whether that’s redirecting your attention to something else, practicing mindfulness, or simply choosing to let go of the unhelpful thought. You’re not trying to force yourself to feel differently, but rather choosing to take a small, positive step forward, no matter how subtle.
Using the STOP technique helps break the cycle of rumination and gives you space to respond to your thoughts rather than getting stuck in them. The more you practice this, the more natural it becomes to catch rumination early and shift into a more mindful and intentional mindset.
4. The Power of Gratitude Practice
Gratitude often feels like one of those “nice to have” things that we know we should practice, but might not actually get around to. However, research shows that a regular gratitude practice can have profound effects on mental wellbeing. Why? Because it shifts the focus away from what’s wrong or missing in our lives, to what’s already here.
When we’re caught up in negative thinking, our brain has a natural tendency to filter for more negativity—it’s like a magnet for bad news. Practicing gratitude helps us retrain our brain to notice the positives. This doesn’t mean ignoring life’s challenges, but it does mean deliberately seeking out things we can be thankful for, even on difficult days.
Gratitude can be as simple as jotting down three things you’re grateful for at the end of each day. They don’t have to be big—maybe it’s the warmth of your morning cup of tea, a kind word from a colleague, or the feeling of fresh air on your face. Over time, this practice can help create a more balanced perspective and lift your mood.
Final Thoughts: Connecting the Dots
Our thoughts have a huge influence on how we feel, but the good news is that we have tools to help us manage them. By creating distance from our thoughts, practicing mindfulness, interrupting rumination, and focusing on gratitude, we can build mental resilience and cultivate a healthier relationship with our minds.
It’s not about “fixing” everything overnight, but rather about small, consistent changes. These tools help us create the space to respond to our thoughts rather than react to them—and that’s where the real power lies.
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