Confidence and Self-esteem (February 2025, Blog 1): Do you care what other people think of you?

"Just Stop Caring What Others Think" – Easier Said Than Done!

How many times have you been told, "Just stop caring about what everyone else thinks”? Sounds simple, right? But let’s be real—it’s not that easy! It’s completely natural to care about how others see us. In fact, it’s a core human need to belong and feel accepted, so of course, we care about how we’re perceived by those around us. But what if, instead of letting that need for approval control us, we could learn to care less about the fear of judgment and more about staying true to ourselves? Let’s dive into how we can make that shift!

Facing Criticism and Disapproval

Criticism and disapproval are things we all face at different points in life. But here’s the thing—no one really teaches us how to deal with them in a way that helps us learn and grow. Instead, they often knock our confidence. For some of us, just the thought of being criticised can make us freeze up, stopping us from going after what really matters. I know this feeling all too well—there are times in my own business where I hold back from being bold or putting myself out there because I’m worried about what people might say. But learning to handle criticism differently can be a game-changer!

Why Does Criticism Hit Us So Hard?

We often see criticism as a sign that we’ve messed up or fallen short, which can leave us feeling like a failure or even rejected. That’s why criticism triggers our stress response—it’s like our brain senses danger. When we feel criticised, our brain jumps into protection mode because it sees this as a threat. It's wired to keep us safe, especially in social situations or wherever the criticism is taking place.

The Brain’s Role in Social Settings

Our brain is always trying to help us to fit into social groups by constantly guessing what others think of us. It believes that if we can figure out how people see us, we’ll be better prepared to deal with their reactions. The problem is, this can cause us to lose sight of who we really are (plus, we’re not mind-readers). Our self-identity can get tangled up in other people’s expectations (or what we think they are!). We might start basing our self-worth on what we think others expect from us, instead of focusing on what truly matters to us. This can make it hard to stay true to ourselves.

Common Thoughts: "What’s Wrong with Me?"

Many of us have had thoughts like, “I can’t do anything right”, “I’m not as good as others”, "I’m not good enough" or "They’re probably right" when we feel judged or criticised. It’s easy to think that everyone else seems fine and doesn’t struggle with this, leading to thoughts like, "Nobody else has problems with this." But the truth is, these are incredibly common feelings, even though it often feels like we’re the only ones going through it. We all want to belong and feel accepted, and when we sense disapproval, it can really shake our confidence.

You’re Not Alone in This

These kinds of beliefs can make us question ourselves, but it's important to remember that everyone, at some point, worries about what others think. It’s not a sign that something is wrong with you—it’s just human nature. Understanding that you're not alone in this can help you take the first step towards dealing with those fears in a healthier way.

Finding Balance: Caring, But Not Letting It Control You

When people say, "Just stop caring what others think," it’s really not that simple. There’s a lot happening beneath the surface. It’s about finding a balance—caring enough to fit in with the social groups that matter to you, but not letting others’ opinions define who you are or hold you back from living your life the way you want to.

It’s a Process, Not a Quick Fix

It’s a process that takes time and practice. But once you understand why you care so much, it becomes easier to handle criticism and disapproval in a way that strengthens you, rather than dragging you down.

Final Thoughts

The truth is, most of us struggle with worrying about what others think. It’s human nature to care, and criticism can hit us hard emotionally. It’s a more complex issue than people realise, especially when someone’s sense of self is tied up in what they think others expect. That’s why it’s not as simple as just "not caring." With time and a better understanding of why we react the way we do, we can start to free ourselves from the weight of others' opinions and live more authentically.

If this resonated with you, stay tuned! I’ll be diving deeper into this topic throughout my blog series in February, with more insights and tips to help you navigate life's challenges around confidence and self-esteem.

The next blog post is all about “How to Manage Criticism and Stop Letting Others' Opinions Control Your Life” - out tomorrow!

Sending love,

Dr Dot x