Why Criticism and Disapproval Say More About Them Than You
Confidence and Self-Esteem (February, Blog 4)
Ever Felt Like You Can’t Win?
You say one thing, and someone rolls their eyes. You set a boundary, and suddenly you’re “selfish.” You try something new, and there’s always that one person who feels the need to chime in with, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Criticism can sting—especially when you’re someone who naturally wants to keep the peace and be liked. But here’s the truth: a lot of criticism isn’t actually about you. It’s about the person dishing it out.
Understanding this can be a game-changer. So let’s break it down.
People Who Criticise You? They Often Criticise Themselves Too
Ever noticed that the most critical people seem to have a running commentary on everything? That’s because their harsh words towards others are often just a reflection of how they talk to themselves.
Someone who picks apart your choices is likely doing the same thing in their own head, all day long. It’s not that your outfit, career decision, or parenting style is actually terrible—it’s that they have a hyper-critical inner voice, and it spills out onto everyone around them.
And if their criticism is especially personal or cutting? That’s on them, not you. It says nothing about your worth as a human being—just that they have some unresolved baggage they haven’t dealt with.
Why We Think Criticism Means More Than It Does
As humans, we have a natural tendency to assume the world revolves around us (thanks, brain). Psychologists call this the “egocentric bias,” and it means we often take things way too personally. If someone criticises you, it’s easy to assume it must be because you did something wrong. But in reality? …Most criticism comes from a person’s own experiences, values, and insecurities—not an objective truth about you.
For example, a parent who constantly worries about financial security might criticise your decision to switch careers. A friend who never sets boundaries might accuse you of being “cold” when you start asserting yourself. Their criticism isn’t really about you—it’s about their own fears and limitations.
If you’re a people-pleaser, this is huge to understand: you will never get universal approval, no matter how hard you try. Everyone has their own rulebook for life, and you simply cannot follow them all.
Envy & Jealousy: The Hidden Root of Many Criticisms
Let’s be real—sometimes criticism is just thinly veiled envy. When people see you doing something they wish they had the confidence, freedom, or ability to do, they might project their own insecurities onto you.
Think about it:
A friend who mocks your creative passion might be frustrated that they never pursued theirs.
A coworker who picks apart your ideas might be secretly insecure about their own contributions.
A family member who dismisses your choices might feel stuck in their own life and resent seeing you take a different path.
The next time someone criticises you, ask yourself: “Is this about me, or is this about something they’re struggling with?” More often than not, it’s the latter.
“Let Them” - Why Their Opinions Are ‘None of Your Business’
If someone disapproves of you, let them. It doesn’t mean they’re right. It doesn’t mean you need to change. It just means they have an opinion—one that is shaped by their own life experiences, not your actual worth.
This mindset shift is freeing. You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to seek their approval. You can just let them think what they want and carry on living your life in a way that feels true to you. Practice saying “Let Them”.
So, How Do You Stop Taking Criticism to Heart?
Pause Before Reacting: Is This Really About You?
When you feel that sting of criticism, your instinct might be to tense up, defend yourself, or replay it over and over in your head. Instead, take a breath. Hit pause. Ask yourself:
“Is this really about me, or is it more about them?”
If the criticism is unfair, personal, or rooted in someone else’s baggage, try to let it go. Easier said than done, right? But here’s a trick—imagine placing those words into a little bottle. Now picture that bottle rolling down a hill, bobbing along a stream, and finally drifting out to sea. It’s not yours to carry.
But What If It Is About Me?
If there’s truth in the feedback and it stings because it’s hitting a nerve, that’s okay too. Instead of reacting defensively, try this:
1. Pause & Breathe – Give yourself a moment to process rather than react impulsively.
2. Separate Fact from Emotion – Is this constructive, or just someone’s opinion?
3. Decide What to Take On – If it’s useful, great—use it to grow, even talk more to the person (or someone else) about it. If not, let it go.
4. Be Kind to Yourself – Growth doesn’t come from shame; it comes from self-compassion.
Stop Assuming Everyone’s Watching You
Most people are far too wrapped up in their own worries to be dissecting your every move. That awkward comment you made? The email you overthought? Chances are, no one even remembers. Don’t give fleeting opinions more power than they deserve.
Notice Who’s Talking
Before taking criticism to heart, consider the source. Is this person happy, fulfilled, and someone whose opinion truly matters to you? Or are they projecting their own insecurities? Not all feedback is worth your energy.
Don’t Engage in Defending Yourself
Not everyone needs to understand your choices, and not every critic deserves a response. If you find yourself justifying your decisions over and over, take a step back. Sometimes, the most powerful response is no response at all.
Turn Criticism Into Growth
If feedback stings because it touches a nerve, use it as an opportunity to grow. Ask yourself: “Is there something here that I can learn from?” If so, take what’s useful and leave the rest. But if it’s just negativity dressed up as advice, let it go.
At the end of the day, criticism says more about the person giving it than it does about you. Your self-worth isn’t up for debate—it’s yours to own, protect and believe in.
Final Thoughts - Connecting The Dots
Criticism and disapproval are part of life. But they don’t have to define you. The more you recognise that other people’s opinions are wrapped up in their experiences—not a reflection of your worth—the easier it becomes to let go and live life on your own terms.
So the next time someone has an opinion about your choices, remember: It’s not about you. Let them.
Get in Touch
Let me know if you resonated with this blog by sending me an email to dot@drdot.co.uk with any questions / feedback - I’d love to hear from you! :)
You can also find me over on:
Instagram @drdot_
Facebook - Dr Dot
TikTok @drdotpsychology
Sending love,
Dr Dot x
"Reaching the summit isn’t just about the climb—it’s about believing you belong there. Self-esteem is built the same way: step by step, through doubt and effort, until one day, you realise you were capable all along".