The Role of Thoughts in Shaping Our Mood

You’ve probably come across a lot of advice about how to improve your mood, such as “change your mindset by practising positive affirmations,” “reframe negative thoughts by looking for the silver lining,” or “focus on gratitude to shift your thoughts and feel better.” But here’s the thing: that advice often misses something really important. The relationship between thoughts and feelings is two-way—it’s not just about changing your thoughts to change your mood.

The way you feel can influence the types of thoughts that pop into your head, often making you more vulnerable to negative or self-critical thinking. For example, when you're feeling down, it’s easy for your brain to start focusing on all the things you’re not doing right—“I’m failing at work,” “I’m not good enough,” “I should be doing more.” So, even though we know these negative thoughts aren’t helping, it’s incredibly tough to think differently when we’re in a low mood.

And let’s be honest, that "positive thoughts only" mantra we see everywhere, especially on social media, can feel unrealistic. When you’re feeling down, it’s nearly impossible to just flip a switch and suddenly think happy thoughts. The presence of negative thoughts doesn’t necessarily mean they caused the low mood in the first place. So, focusing on changing thoughts alone may not always be the solution.

Why Changing Your Behaviour Is Key

Our actions and behaviours have a big impact on how we feel emotionally. Let’s take a common example: when you're feeling low, it’s natural to want to withdraw. You might not feel like seeing friends, doing hobbies you used to enjoy, or even leaving the house. While avoiding these things can feel comforting in the short term, over time, it can actually make you feel worse.

When you stop doing things that make you feel good, you may start feeling more sluggish and tired. For example, if you're too busy for exercise for a few weeks, you might notice that your energy levels drop and you feel more tired and unmotivated. This leads to a cycle: the less energy you have, the less you want to exercise or engage in other activities, and the worse you feel physically and emotionally, i.e. the less you do, the less you want to do! As this cycle continues, it can become harder to break out of it, making you feel even more stuck and withdrawn.

This is a classic example of a vicious cycle, where one thing leads to another, and they all feed into each other: our thoughts affect our feelings, our feelings affect our behaviour (what we do), and our behaviour affects how we physically feel. When all of these aspects are caught in a negative cycle, it can be hard to see a way out.

The Power of Small Changes in Breaking the Cycle

The good news is that if you change just one part of this cycle, it can have a positive effect on everything else. For instance, if you push yourself to go for a short walk or reconnect with a friend, this small change in behaviour can improve your mood and energy levels. As a result, you may feel more motivated to do other positive things, like exercising more or re-engaging with activities you once enjoyed.

Breaking things down like this helps us to see what might be keeping us stuck and also what we can do to start turning things around. Small changes in behaviour can have a big impact on how we feel and help break the cycle of feeling low.

Managing Expectations: It Takes Time

Many people come to therapy knowing that they want to feel different. They are often overwhelmed by difficult emotions and they know they want to stop feeling that way. Naturally, they want to feel more positive emotions, like joy and excitement. However, it's important to understand that there isn’t a quick fix for changing how we feel—there’s no magic button, pill or shortcut to instantly make unpleasant emotions go away. So when people say things like, “Just think positive!” or “Why don’t you smile more?” it can be frustrating, as if a simple change in attitude will magically make everything better. If there were, us Clinical Psychologists would be out of a job!

What we do know is that how we feel is deeply connected to three main things: our physical feelings in our body, the thoughts we focus on, and the things we do (our behaviour). The good news is that while we can’t directly change our emotions by wishing them away/clicking our fingers, we can influence those three areas—our body, our thoughts and our actions.

For example, you may not be able to instantly change your emotional state, your current situation or make the people around you act differently. But you can choose how to think about the situation and you can control how you respond. By changing your thoughts or actions, you can start to influence your emotions over time. It’s like creating a ripple effect—small changes in how we think or behave can gradually lead to feeling better.

Therefore, while it may not be an instant process, the fact that we have some control over our thoughts, actions, and physical state means we have the power to influence how we feel.

Explanation of why CBT allows us to make changes - we may not be able to change the situation, but we can change how we think about the situation.

Where to Start: Mapping Your Mood

The first step in managing low mood is building awareness of different parts of your experience, often referred to as the "5-area model" in therapy. These 5 areas include your emotions, physical feelings, thoughts, actions/behaviours, and environment. To begin, the goal is simply to notice what’s happening in each area, write it down, and reflect.

Start by thinking back over your day. Pick a situation when you felt low and focus on it in more detail. Then, answer these questions:

What emotions were you feeling? (e.g. sad, anxious, angry)
How did you feel physically? (e.g. tired, tense, loss of appetite)
What thoughts were going through your mind? (e.g. "I don’t feel like doing anything," "I’m so lazy," "I’m never going to feel better," "What’s the point?")
What did you do in response? (e.g. You might have stayed in bed, watched TV all day or spent time scrolling through social media instead of doing something you needed to do.)

Use this to map out the different areas:

Blank CBT Map: to write down your emotions, thoughts, physical symptoms and behaviours

Expanding Your Awareness

Once you’ve started noticing what's going on in your mind and body, you can expand this awareness by considering how your environment or relationships might be affecting your mood, thoughts, and behaviour.

Here are some other useful questions to help you map out your experience:

How were you taking care of yourself in the hours or days leading up to this? (e.g. Were you eating well? Sleeping enough? Socialising?)
Was the emotion you felt related to a physical need that wasn’t being met? (e.g. Hunger, tiredness)
What was happening just before you started feeling low? (e.g. Was there a stressful event or a negative interaction?)
What urges did you feel? (e.g. the urge to withdraw or avoid tasks) Did you act on those urges? If not, what did you do instead?
How did your actions affect your mood?
How did your actions influence your thoughts and beliefs about the situation?

Reflect and Notice Patterns

Sometimes this process will feel straightforward, and you’ll clearly see what’s contributing to your low mood. Other times, it might feel more complicated or unclear, and that’s okay. The important thing is to keep reflecting and writing down your experiences.

If you can take just 10 minutes each day to practise filling out this "map" of your mood—writing down the situation, your emotions, thoughts, physical sensations, and actions—you’ll start to notice patterns. Over time, you’ll become more aware of what helps improve your mood and what makes it worse. By reflecting on these moments after they happen, you’ll gradually get better at noticing these links in real time, which can help you make more helpful choices as you go through your day.

An Example: John’s Experience at the Party

Let’s take a look at John, who is feeling down after attending a party. This example will help us see how his thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all interconnected in a cycle that contributes to his low mood.

1. The Situation:

John attends a party with friends. While there, he notices that everyone seems confident and engaged in conversation. He feels a bit out of place and tries to join in, but the group quickly moves on before he can contribute much. He leaves the party early, feeling deflated.

2. The Thoughts:

After the party, John’s mind starts racing with negative and self-critical thoughts:

"I’m so awkward. I can’t even hold a conversation."
"Everyone else is more interesting than me."
"I shouldn’t have gone; no one even noticed I was there."

These thoughts make John feel worse and contribute to his sense of isolation and inadequacy.

3. The Feelings:

As a result of these critical thoughts, John experiences a range of negative emotions:

Sadness – He feels down about himself and the way the night went.
Inadequacy – He feels like he didn’t measure up to the others at the party.
Embarrassment – He worries that people saw him as awkward.
Loneliness – He feels disconnected from others, both at the party and afterward.

4. The Behaviours:

These negative feelings push John to act in ways that only reinforce his low mood:

He isolates himself the next day, avoiding contact with friends.
He decides he won’t attend any more social events because he assumes it will always be like this.
Instead of reflecting on the positives, he spends his time replaying the event in his head, thinking about what he "should have" said or done.

5. The Physical Sensations:

On top of feeling low, John experiences some physical symptoms of stress and exhaustion:

A tight knot in his stomach
Fatigue and a lack of motivation
Trouble sleeping as he replays the night’s events over and over

The Vicious Cycle of Low Mood

This is where the cycle starts: John’s self-critical thoughts (“I’m awkward, no one wanted to talk to me”) lead to feelings of sadness, embarrassment, and loneliness. These feelings then lead to behaviours like withdrawal and avoidance, which reinforce his negative beliefs about himself and keep his low mood going. The more John isolates himself, the more his critical thoughts strengthen, and the more stuck he feels.

How CBT Can Help Break the Cycle

The good news is that this cycle is not permanent. Through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), John can learn to break free from this vicious cycle by working on both his thoughts and his behaviours.

1. Challenging Negative Thoughts:

In CBT, John would be encouraged to identify and challenge his negative thoughts. Instead of accepting the thought, “I’m so awkward, no one wanted to talk to me,” John would ask himself:

“Is that really true? Maybe the conversation just naturally moved on.”
“Have I had good conversations with others before?”

By challenging these thoughts, John can begin to see that his belief about being awkward is not as accurate as it might seem. This helps him develop a more realistic and compassionate view of the situation.

2. Re-engaging with Positive Behaviours:

John would also be encouraged to re-engage in activities that make him feel better. In this case, he might:

Plan to attend a social gathering, even if it’s just for a short time, so he can experience a more positive interaction.
Reach out to a friend for a coffee to reconnect in a low-pressure setting.

By making small changes in his behaviour, John can start to see positive outcomes, which helps counterbalance his critical thoughts and improves his mood.

The Ripple Effect: Small Changes Lead to Big Results

Through the combination of challenging negative thoughts and taking small positive actions, John can gradually shift his mood. The key here is understanding that even though it may take time, changing one part of the cycle—whether it’s the thoughts or behaviours—can create a ripple effect, improving other areas and ultimately leading to a more positive state of mind.

Takeaway: Small Steps Make a Big Difference

In the end, the cycle of low mood is influenced by our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. By becoming more aware of these connections, we can take small steps to challenge our negative thinking and re-engage in positive activities. It’s not about immediately flipping a switch and feeling better—change takes time. But with patience and practice, we can gradually break free from the cycle of low mood and start feeling more positive.

Take care and sending love to you all,

Dr Dot x

Feeling Low? Here’s How to Start Improving Your Mood Today