Blog 1 (Part 4 of 8): Before therapy begins and looking for the right Psychologist
Be careful with social media and “pop psychology”
It can feel difficult to access quality psychological care, therefore for some, turning to Instagram, social media and self-help books often feels like the next best thing. However, social media does not always offer the best advice for people who are really in the thick of it or struggling with deeper mental health difficulties. In addition, many people on social media who provide psychological advice are often not qualified or trained to, and some of it can actually be quite damaging and detrimental to those experiencing mental health problems. For example, there are a lot of people on social media who promote fad diets or advise “manifest and think of happy things”, “just stay positive” and “think good vibes only”.
We’re probably all guilty for saying things like this, but when you’re having a really shit time of it, who else would feel worse hearing these things? Having a positive view of life is important, but trying to put a positive spin on everything can invalidate what people go through. This is often termed as ‘toxic positivity’: “the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset”. We should not and cannot erase all of our negative emotions and experiences. Life is complex, there are highs and lows and it’s these ups and downs of life which make us human. We would never learn about ourselves if we never went through hard times or difficult feelings – never let anyone shame you for this. Take what you see on social media with a pinch of salt and seek out a qualified professional to work through your difficulties if you are really struggling.
How to find the right psychologist for you
If you need therapy, you can go to your GP and ask to be referred to an NHS Psychologist or Therapist. There are different types of mental health professionals out there. Clinical Psychologists are doctorate trained and highly qualified to assess and treat different types of mental health problems. They are also trained in many different types of therapies, whereas Therapists may only be qualified in one therapeutic modality.
If there are long waiting times in the NHS, some charities offer therapy and you can also seek private therapy. If you choose to seek therapy privately, there will be a whole range of Psychologists out there, so how on earth do you choose which one to go with? There are so many different types and we often don’t know what we need. Whatever you do, I would recommend making sure they are registered with the Health and Care Professions Council (HCPC) if you are looking for a Clinical Psychologist. Registers such as ‘Psychology Today’, the ‘Counselling Directory’ and ‘Find My Psychologist’ have websites where you can look for a Psychologist. The British Psychological Society (BPS) also has a list of Chartered Psychologists, which you can find on their website.
Some Psychologists have a certain expertise in a very specific area (e.g autism or parenting), whilst others work with people on a wide range of issues (e.g. depression, trauma, anxiety, eating disorders). If you are unsure about whether someone’s expertise is suited to what you need, just get in touch with them to ask and they will let you know. For instance, if I get any enquiries from someone who needs help with autism, I will advise that they see someone more specialist in this area. Although I have had a lot of training and experience in working with autism in the past, I feel there are other Psychologists out there who are more specialist in this area than I am, and I will be very honest about this. As Psychologists, we only want the best for our clients.
Introductory calls
You can ask to speak with a Psychologist before you sign up to therapy with them, to see if they are a good fit for you. I always offer my clients a free 15-minute introductory call so they have the opportunity to speak to me before they decide if I am the right Psychologist for them. This is a brief call where you can ask anything about the services I deliver. I will also ask you a few questions, for example:
· Whether you are looking for online, face-to-face or outdoors therapy
· Reason for seeking help / how long your difficulties have been going on for
· Rough ideas about goals/hopes and how motivated and ready you are in making this commitment to therapy
· Whether you are experiencing any suicidal thoughts/self-harm
· Previous therapy / medication
· If you are looking for a particular therapeutic approach / model (many people are just looking for what works regardless of therapeutic model, whilst some people have tried a certain type of therapy before and looking for something different now)
· Qs or concerns you may have about starting therapy
· Your availability / my fees / how you intend to pay for sessions (self-funding/insurance)
If you are then interested in therapy with myself and feel it is the right time for you, I will then send you through a quick questionnaire / therapy contract that must be electronically signed before our first session together. Most clients book in their first session with me on the introductory call, whilst some go away and have a think about it then email me afterwards when they are ready to sign up.
The therapeutic relationship
People often get hung up on finding the right “type” of therapy, but sometimes you just have to try something and give it a go. Psychologists are often trained in more than one modality. In all honesty, the most important thing is finding someone who you “click” with. The therapeutic relationship is an essential foundation of therapy. If the therapeutic relationship isn’t there, then the therapy is unlikely to work, no matter what the modality/type of therapy. Evidence shows that a positive therapeutic relationship is seen as “necessary” for change to occur. You therefore need to feel a good connection and partnership with your Psychologist and it is important to agree on your therapy goals. The more you can trust your Psychologist, the more you can open up to them and in turn get what you need out of therapy. If that trust and connection is not there, this can affect therapeutic outcomes.
If you have been recommended a Psychologist by an insurance company, it is always a good idea to visit the Practitioner’s website to see if you get a good feel about them. All Psychologist are trained in different therapeutic modalities and should be skilled in building therapeutic relationships, but it is also a very personal thing – a therapist who is right for one person may not be right for someone else. Therefore, don’t be TOO swayed by recommendations or testimonials. You need to choose who is right for you.
When therapy doesn’t go to plan
If you had a bad experience of therapy in the past, it does not mean you will have that same negative experience again in the future – it is very possible that the therapist was just not right for you. It is also ok to change your Therapist / Psychologist further down the line if this happens, but give it time to build a good relationship and allow time to process everything you go through, even when therapy feels difficult. Don’t just “throw in the towel” because it feels hard. Making a change IS hard but you are working in partnership with your Psychologist who is there to help you through this. In any relationship, there are bumps in the road, and therapy is no different - you may well fall out with your Psychologist or not like what they have to say at times. However, Psychologists are trained to deal with these types of therapeutic ruptures and difficulties that come up in relationships.
Join the dots
(1) Take what you see on social media with a pinch of salt
(2) Ensure the mental health professional you see is registered with a professional body
(3) Ask to have an introductory call to see if they are a good fit for you
(4) Therapy doesn’t always go to plan, and this is ok
Once you have found the right Psychologist for you, what should you expect at the beginning of therapy? …Go to Blog 1, Part 5.