Blog 1 (Part 8 of 8): Good things take time to build

To heal or not to heal

We can often get too comfortable and get used to the narratives that hold us back and even harm us.  Healing ourselves and getting mentally stronger is hard as it means letting go of things that feel automatic to us.  It often means changing our “default” and going against what has felt natural to us for years.  Not everyone wants to get better and that is ok.  Some people comply and surrender to their difficulties – this is often seen when they have an identity tied to ‘illness’, e.g. perhaps they have become used to the narrative of being “the anxious one” and those around them now accept this without questioning it (they may be unconsciously colluding with their illness or tip-toeing around them).  Others fear getting well as it is unfamiliar and the unfamiliar feels unpredictable and uncomfortable. 

There is comfort in knowing what is coming next, even if that future is not where you ideally want to be.  We often feel safer staying in our ‘comfort zone’ as it is routine and familiar.  The ‘learning/growth zone’ feels more challenging as it requires making changes – this is where we experiment, develop our skills and stretch our abilities.  We are “familiarity-seeking machines”; the familiar feels safe.  This is until we can teach ourselves that change is possible and that the discomfort we need to go through to get there can be short-lived.  Having someone like a Psychologist walk by your side through this process can make it easier. 

There is no magic pill / magic wand

To get to where you want to be and to really dig deep, it is important to understand that change is not easy and the road ahead may not always be plain sailing.  There are no quick fixes in therapy – if there was, no one would need help, I would be out of a job and the years of training to get here would mean nothing.  Human beings are far more complicated than that.

Society is often conditioned to believe in the illusion of the “magic pill”, especially when the first thing the GP often suggests is anti-depressant medication.  Don’t get me wrong, there is definitely a place for medication (whilst it can sometimes numb emotions out, it can often help people engage with therapy), but there are no shortcuts when it comes to real therapeutic change and improving our mental health.  Similar to staying fit and going to the gym to achieve a goal – no one can do it for you and no diet pill will lead to long-term change. 

Therapy may feel uncomfortable and even scary at times.  Nevertheless, therapy is more often than not transformative.  Breaking negative life patterns and discovering who you are and what you are capable of can be one of the most empowering adventures you will ever go on.  You won’t see this after one session, or even two sessions, but overtime, by the end of therapy, you are likely to notice a powerful, long-lasting shift.  Therefore, if you ever second-guess yourself or want to give up on therapy, remember these three things:

(1) Nothing important comes easy,

(2) We can do hard things and

(3) Transformation is possible. 

I hope this blog series has helped to show you what to expect from therapy.  If you have any questions about anything, please do not hesitate to get in touch at dot@drdot.co.uk.

Thank you for reading and have a lovely day / evening.

Warmest wishes,

Dr Dot :-) x