Understanding Anxiety: Why You Feel Like This – and What You Can Do About It
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, shaky, on edge or like something inside is just “off”, you’re not alone — and you’re not “going mad.” You might be experiencing anxiety, a powerful but very normal response to stress. And while anxiety is common, it’s often deeply misunderstood — especially when it feels physical and overwhelming.
Let’s break it down together — no jargon, no shame — just clear, compassionate insight and real tools that can help.
Anxiety Doesn’t Mean You’re Weak
This might surprise you, but it’s often the people who seem the strongest who struggle with anxiety.
The perfectionists. The high achievers. The carers. The ones who “hold it all together”.
People who push through, take on too much or never want to let others down often carry a quiet storm of anxiety underneath. As Anna Williamson puts it in her book ‘Breaking Mad - The Insider’s Guide to Conquering Anxiety’, “Those of us with anxiety are often not the ones you’d expect. We are functioning. We are smiling. We are seemingly fine — and yet we’re crumbling inside”.
So if you’re someone who always copes, always manages and suddenly feels like you can’t — that doesn’t make you weak. It means your nervous system is overwhelmed. And that’s something we can work with.
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a natural response to stress. It’s your brain and body’s way of reacting to perceived danger — even when the danger isn’t life-threatening. Imagine your nervous system like a smoke alarm: sometimes it goes off when you’ve genuinely burnt the toast. But sometimes, it gets triggered by steam from the shower. The reaction is the same — your body prepares for something — even when that “something” might just be an uncomfortable email or a tough memory.
The Physical Side of Anxiety: What’s Actually Happening?
Anxiety doesn’t just live in your thoughts. It shows up physically — sometimes in ways that feel extreme:
Racing heart
Shaky limbs
Chest tightness
Dizziness or faintness
Dry mouth or difficulty swallowing
Needing the toilet urgently
Nausea or even vomiting
So why does this happen?
It all comes back to your body’s survival system.
The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
When we feel anxious or overwhelmed, it’s often because our brain thinks we’re in danger — even if we’re not. This triggers a built-in survival system called the fight, flight, or freeze response. It’s something all humans have, and it’s designed to keep us safe. In the fight response, we might feel angry or snappy — ready to defend ourselves. In flight, we want to get away — we might avoid people, situations, or even leave the room suddenly. In freeze, we feel stuck or numb, like we can’t move or speak. There’s also another, lesser-known response called fawn: this involves people-pleasing, appeasing, or trying to placate others in order to feel safe. We try to keep the peace by pleasing others or putting their needs first — often without even realising we’re doing it. This can happen if we’ve learned that staying safe means keeping other people happy. These responses are automatic. Your body chooses them to protect you, even if there’s no real danger. Knowing this can help you feel less confused or ashamed about how you’re reacting — your brain is just doing its job.
When your brain perceives a threat — real or imagined — it triggers the fight/flight/freeze response. This is an ancient biological system designed to help us survive danger.
Here’s how it works:
Your heart races to pump more blood to your muscles (to fight or flee)
Your breathing changes – you start to breathe faster to take in more oxygen
Digestion slows down or stops – blood is redirected away from the gut to muscles
You need the toilet – your body tries to “lighten the load” to help you escape faster
You feel dizzy or lightheaded – this comes from a drop in CO₂ due to rapid breathing
You might feel sick or vomit – another way the body empties itself to prepare for danger
These responses go all the way back to our caveman ancestors. Imagine you're out in the wild and suddenly spot a wild animal (like the tiger below) — your brain instantly reacts to keep you alive. If you choose to fight, you prepare to defend yourself. If you flee, you run as fast as you can to escape. If you freeze, you stay completely still, hoping the animal won’t see you. And if you fawn, you might try to submit or appease to avoid attack. These survival responses helped early humans stay alive in real danger. Today, our brain still uses the same system — but instead of wild animals, the “threat” might be an awkward social interaction, an email from your boss or a reminder of a breakup — and yet, your body reacts as if your life is at risk. The response is ancient, even if the trigger is modern.
When you're anxious, it might feel like your brain and body are overreacting — but really, they're only trying to protect you. The brain works on a “better safe than sorry” principle. It would rather set off the alarm unnecessarily than risk missing a real threat. So even if there’s no actual danger, your brain responds as if there is, just in case. It’s not trying to hurt you — it’s trying to keep you safe, even if the warning system is a bit oversensitive.
Breathing, Dizziness and the CO₂/O₂ Balance
When you’re anxious, your breathing tends to become shallow and fast — often without you realising. This is called hyperventilation. It reduces the amount of carbon dioxide (CO₂) in your blood too quickly. While we often think of CO₂ as just a waste gas, it actually helps regulate how oxygen is released to your cells.
When CO₂ drops too low:
Your blood vessels constrict (narrow), reducing blood flow to the brain
This leads to dizziness, light-headedness and sometimes blurred vision
When you’re in the middle of intense anxiety or panic, you may feel detached, light-headed, spaced out or like you’re going to faint (all normal panic symptoms) — and that can be really scary. But interestingly, true fainting usually happens when blood pressure suddenly drops. In anxiety, the opposite happens: your blood pressure typically rises because your body is in “fight or flight” mode, getting ready to act. So while it ‘feels’ like you might pass out, it’s actually very unlikely. The dizzy or floaty feeling comes from changes in your breathing (like breathing too fast) and blood flow, not from a drop in blood pressure. Understanding this can help ease the fear — your body is reacting to stress, not shutting down.
It’s not dangerous — but it’s incredibly uncomfortable. And often, these physical symptoms makes the anxiety worse because it feels like something is “seriously wrong”.
Why You Might Feel Sick or Be Sick
Feeling sick during anxiety isn’t just “in your head.” Your digestive system is directly affected by your nervous system. When your brain activates a stress response, it puts digestion on hold — sometimes slowing it down, sometimes forcing the stomach to empty.
This can cause:
Nausea
Stomach cramps
Acid reflux or indigestion
Vomiting
It’s your body’s way of preparing you to survive — but in today’s world, it just feels frightening and confusing.
What Triggers Anxiety?
Anxiety often has specific triggers — even if they’re not always obvious. Here are some common ones:
Relationship stress – a breakup, seeing a photo of your ex, running into someone from their family. Emotional memories get stored in the body, so even small things can cause a big response.
Work pressure – deadlines, difficult colleagues, fear of getting things wrong.
Too much on your plate – juggling work, home life, expectations and the pressure to “keep it all together.”
Social interactions – feeling judged, misunderstood or like you’re “not enough.”
Past experiences – even if they’re not on your mind, old traumas or stressful events can resurface when life gets busy or uncertain.
Sometimes, it’s not one big thing — it’s the buildup of many small things. Like your system is carrying too much and starts sounding the alarm.
What Can Help? Practical Techniques for Calming Anxiety
The good news? You can calm your nervous system and start to feel more grounded. Here are some powerful techniques to try:
1. Box Breathing
Also known as “square breathing,” this technique helps reset your breath and restore the balance between oxygen and carbon dioxide.
How to do it:
Inhale for 4 counts
Hold for 4 counts
Exhale slowly for 4 counts
Hold for 4 counts
Repeat this for 1–2 minutes, visualising a square as you go — tracing the sides in your mind as you breathe in, hold, breathe out, and hold again. This not only slows your heart rate, calms your nervous system, and helps reduce dizziness, but it also gives your mind something simple and structured to focus on. Visualising the square can help pull your attention away from racing or anxious thoughts, grounding you in the rhythm of your breath instead.
2. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
Use your senses to anchor you in the now and shift your focus away from anxious thoughts.
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
It might feel silly at first — but it works. It tells your brain: “I’m here, I’m safe, I’m in control”.
3. The Worry Dump
Your brain can’t sort through 100 racing thoughts at once. Writing them down clears the clutter.
Try this:
Set a timer for 5 minutes - this is your “Worry Time”
Grab a notebook or your phone - Dump every worry, no filter – even if it sounds silly, dramatic or minor. Don’t censor, just release!
Look back and ask: Which ones are real? Which ones can wait? Which ones can I let go? This helps separate you from your anxious thoughts.
Once they’re on paper, you can look at them more clearly – maybe even decide which ones you can do something about and which ones you can let go of.
This gives your brain space to rest.
4. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
Anxiety makes your muscles tense up — often without you noticing.
PMR helps by:
Tensing and relaxing one muscle group at a time
Bringing awareness to the tension
Releasing it, bit by bit
Start with your feet and move up through your body. This also helps with sleep and grounding.
Resources:
There are many free PMR videos with guided audio and calming visuals on Youtube. Try searching:
“Progressive Muscle Relaxation for Anxiety”
“10-minute PMR for sleep”
Creators like Therapy in a Nutshell and The Honest Guys have excellent content.
Apps often have PMR exercises built in as audio tracks:
Headspace (has a whole section on body scans and tension release)
Calm (includes guided PMR in their sleep and anxiety sections)
Insight Timer (free meditations and PMR exercises by different teachers)
Some universities and psychology departments share free resources. Try:
5. Self-Compassion and Reframing
Often, anxiety gets worse when we judge ourselves for having it. Try to speak to yourself like you would to a close friend:
“It’s okay to feel like this.”
“This is uncomfortable, not dangerous.”
“I’ve felt like this before and I got through it.”
It sounds simple, but changing your inner dialogue changes how your body responds.
When to Seek Support
If anxiety is stopping you from living the life you want — whether it’s affecting your sleep, work, relationships or physical health — it’s worth speaking to someone. A GP, therapist or mental health professional can help you get to the root of your anxiety and find strategies that really fit your life.
Final Thought - Joining the Dots
Anxiety might feel like it’s running the show right now — but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Your body isn’t broken. It’s reacting to stress the way it was designed to — it just needs a little help to feel safe again.
You’re not weak for feeling anxious. You’re human. And there is help, hope and healing ahead.
One breath. One step. You’ve got this.
Sending love,
Dr Dot x
